I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
