i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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