summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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