My balls are so social today.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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