At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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