Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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