If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
