Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
