In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
