I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
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