i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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