i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
