I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
