Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
