i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
