I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
