I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
