Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
