and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
