My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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