I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
