I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
