so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
