I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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