And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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