I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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