Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
