My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
