Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
