Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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