I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
