God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
