With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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