She is in my trunk
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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