I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
