We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
