Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
