There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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