Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
