Having a random hookup so left but love u
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
