Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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