hell yes lets make some ravioli
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
