so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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