i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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