i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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