if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
