I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
