Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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