your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
