Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
and you fell through a lawn chair
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
