omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
